Showering is a luxury. When you do find that time to shower, it’s a Christmas miracle to shower without shower stalkers–you are never alone. If it feels like someone is watching you; they are. Your days of spa-like showering are gone when kids are introduced into the mix. Even if they are happily playing downstairs, they hear that shower sound and they are on the prowl.

My stalkers are quiet, at first, but I can sense their presence. I see their little silhouettes on the other side of the curtain. In the moments that follow, my 4 year old peers around the curtain and this is where the fun begins with her comments that reaffirm what I know has happened to my body after having children, that I try not to think about.

“Mommy why do you have spots?” “I like your fur.” “You have a funny belly button?”. These are my favorite, they linger in my brain making me feel like a freak. There’s nothing like a 4 year old to tell it like it is. Now, as I answer these questions, and try to remember to wash my face and body during this time, my son stalker is taking my soap, body wash, whatever he can get his little mitts on, and thinks it’s funny to drop them into the tub. Sometimes there is a sudden toe fatality–ouch!

They stare, and stare, somehow making me feel more naked than I already am. Finally, they realize it’s been long enough that I am in the shower and start whining or crying. They need me. Shower time is over. Over before clean even had a chance. My sole saving grace is that both of them are scared of taking a shower. So, at least there is a line of demarcation between us, they will never cross that curtain line, but they unknowingly cross other lines in their stalking actions.

And if you’re curious to know. I showered today–it’s a Christmas miracle. My stalkers were present, throughout.